Your Flag (Is Wack)

Heath Cottengim has created this epic vexillological rap video.  Enjoy.

 

[Hook: Heath Cottengim]
Your flag is wack, your flag is wack, your flag is wack
Belgium just Germany taking a nap
I’d take it all back
If you’d just change the flag
I be on the attack
‘Cause your flag is wack

[Verse 1: Heath Cottengim]
Indonesia and Monaco, one of you has gotta go
How’s the public supposed to know
Who’s who when that shits on the pole
You’re no better Poland, looking
Upside-down like Spiderman
Next time hire a designer
So your flag don’t look so stolen
You may think I’m mad, you may think I’m absurd
But it ain’t my fault Netherlands looks like Luxembourg
So many bad flags I can’t tell them apart
Which one of these is Ireland and
Which one’s Cote d’Ivoire?
I be in the stadium
Watchin’ the game
Chad and Romania
Look exactly the same
You’d be none the wiser
If I asked you to squint
It’s like the designer
Threw out the blueprint
Not tryna to make enemies
Half the Middle East looks Yemeni
Throwing flags out like a referee
Don’t care if it’s a felony
Extortion, genocide, organ shortages, yellow fever
Are not why I take the time to call up every foreign leader
(telephone rings)
Hello, you’ve reached Prime Minister of Australia
Hey Malcolm, how come you still stealin’ from New Zealand?
I mean it. I’ll break these Union Jack’s backs
Like the Bane of flags
I’m not insane, I’m just statin’ the facts
Let’s bring it back for you amnesiacs

[Hook: Heath Cottengim]

Your flag is wack, your flag is wack, your flag is wack
Norway is okay if you can do math (do math)
If you can’t take the flak
Take it off the map
It’s as simple as that
‘Cause your flag is wack
Your flag is wack, your flag is wack, your flag is wack
Greenland pretends to not be an app
Don’t tell me to relax
I’ll watch your country collapse
Nepal gets a pass
But your flag is wack

[Verse 2: Heath Cottengim]
I want flags different, distinct and unique
Think Canada, Panama, Zanzibar and Mozambique, ayy
Wait, Mozambique has an AK?
They’re not so scary, their military’s
Smaller than Notre Dame
Although I enjoy this, let me be open
When bad shit gets hoisted, people get disappointed
Point is this message is essential, so don’t try to avoid it
‘Cause I’ll just keep roasting the globe
’till I hit the ocean (Let’s go!)
Seychelles, looking like I’m about to get my groove on
Qatar, looking like I’m bout to tear a coupon
Kyrgyzstan’s’ll work, but you gotta turn it on first
Look at Antwerp’s too long and it starts to hurt
Don’t expect apology, won’t accept low quality
Just next time respect vexillology
Try to find the strength to face the fact that
Maybe the flag needs to tend the rabbits
I’m probably preaching to the choir
But when it comes to flags I think we can
Raise the bar a little higher
To those who’d fight a redesigner
I’ll leave you looking like the guy in the Benin Empire

[Hook: Heath Cottengim]
Your flag is wack, your flag is wack, your flag is wack
Rather be Martian than live under that
Some flags have class
Others are crap
I’d start from scratch
‘Cause your flag is wack
Your flag is wack, your flag is wack, your flag is wack
Pocatello, what am I lookin’ at?
It shouldn’t have taken a rap
To convince you that
When it comes to flags
Your flag is wack

Jabzy’s Flag Histories

Jabzy (or @JabzyJoe) hosts a YouTube channel focused on Western history.  In addition to nearly 70 Three Minute Histories of various wars, he has a shorter (in number) and longer (in runtime) series of Flag Histories — four to be precise, of Germany, France, Britain, and Italy.  Using many images from art history, he takes each back to medieval times at around six minutes each.

 

 

 

What Does the ___ Flag Mean?

RealLifeLore is a new YouTube channel presenting a mixture of geopolitics, history, and vexillology.  This includes an entertaining and informative series with titles of the form “What Does the ___ Flag Mean?”

So far, there are installments for the UK, France, and Spain.




We hope more installments will be forthcoming.

In the mean time, here are some other “What Does the ___ Flag Mean?” videos from other YouTube publishers.