SAINT-ALPHONSE-RODRIGUEZ, QUEBEC — In a surprise announcement today, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto proclaimed their mutual withdrawal from NAFTA, the North American Free Trade Agreement, and the merger of their two countries into the Federation of Camexida. “It just got too difficult dealing with the Trump administration, so we’ve decided to leave NAFTA and join forces,” explained Trudeau. “That Trump, he’s just one bad hombre. Loco… Loquísimo!” added Peña Nieto, in an uncharacteristic display of informality.
The two leaders further revealed that to appease the Quebecois, the capital of the new federation would be developed in the small town of Saint-Alphonse-Rodriguez in Quebec (one of the few municipalities in Canada with a Spanish place name) and that Mexico would half-heartedly adopt French as a second official language (due to some lingering resentments around the events of 1861). A new two-sided flag was revealed to represent the new country, with the Mexican eagle side serving as the front of the flag in even-numbered years, the Canadian maple leaf in odd-numbered years.
After their short announcement, the two leaders declined to answer any questions from the stunned audience, and left to have a meal of moose meat tacos and huitlacoche poutine.